Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Something I wrote several years ago as I contemplated my mental state.

I continuously scan all channels – audio, visual, oral, touch, all sensory faculties at constant alert, my mind is in overload and burning out – I feel as if I cannot record any more information in my memory, whether RAM or ROM or Cerebral. – I am like the archivalist of time, forced by circumstances to record every second of time, all significant events, monotonously like a stenographer in a court room, drowning out all external influences and thoughts - only I do not have that luxury of singlemindedness, I must catch hold of the seemingly insignificant nuances of life, the trouser tugging of a toddler, the eye catching smile of an infant, the underlying smouldering desire of a loving partner and friend.
I am aware of several simultaneous threads of thought and conversations happening, both with other people, and mostly myself. I talk to several alter egos at a time. If that is the clinical definition of schizophrenia, then maybe I am, but I don’t think it is and therefore by my own definitions I am not, but I digress. (Editor’s note: Troy always says I digress and I know I do it but he puts up with it if it contributes and doesn’t tell me to f@#k off)